Turkey Day

Here I am, a college student back at home for a day in which Americans can celebrate overeating habits. The kitchen is loud with the constant noise of my mother's cooking and Tony is somewhere downstairs most likely sleeping until the smell of food wakens him. He's like a whole new spin on Sleeping Beauty, that one. And me? I'm in the guestroom, in otherwords the Siberia of our household, obssessing over the things I want and the things I need.

Since when did kids have to make life-altering decisions at such young ages? Because that's what I feel like right now: a kid. I may have moved out (into a dorm that my parents pay for) but the sparkling illusion of independence that I started out with has faded these past few months. I came into college with all of these goals and expectations. I could do anything I wanted. Even if it meant taking classes and doing things that never particularly interested me. But where along that line did I figure out what my mom wanted and what I myself wanted instead? Was it realizing that I hate science courses? Or that I really do miss writing? I'm not quite sure where my dreams of becoming a journalist for National Geographic or some other environmental/cultural magazine drifted away and were replaced by my mom's dream of medical school. And how, when I decided I couldn't possibly make it into medical school, did writing never cross my mind?

Instead, I decided I could wipe asses for a living as a nurse. I told myself, it's practical. It pays well, there's tons of job openings, and there isn't too much schooling. But when did something that once had absolutely no appeal to me suddenly become my backup plan? Is being a writer really so far off that I can no longer consider it an option?

It's hard, trying not to disappoint the people you love. But I am at that point now, where I have to decide between making myself happy and making my family happy. The time will soon be upon me to explain to my mother that yes, you can trust me. I can do this too. There are other paths to success, and this is the one that I can actually trek. It may be strange to you that there are majors without clear career paths, but this leaves me space to find my way. And before I can find the words for all of that, I'm going to need to learn to believe in myself a little more. Believe that I do actually belong at UW and am just as capable of happiness as any other student.

So until then, I'll stuff my face with turkey and be in the company of a family that loves me in its own way. Or at least, that's what I'll keep telling myself. Time to wake up Sleeping Beauty. =]